career opportunities (live) - the clash

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock,
every job they offer you is to keep out the dock
Career opportunities, the ones that never knock

And the unison singing of Mick Jones and Joe Strummer can always cheer one up, needed or not.

You know your generation is fucked up when people know the names of Britney Spears Children, the name of at least two of her exes, and can say more than five sentences about Paris Hilton - but they don't know who Joe Strummer is. It's an effing tragedy.

And so life goes on into a holiday well-needed. The last weeks have been tiresome and included a lot of work and the future bears more schoolwork in its bosom.

It feel good listening to The Clash. They remind me of a time when there always seemed to be something to fight and oppose or protest against. What do we have today? The most radical thing I can do is to support the cutdown of the A-kassa, which I actually do. And that doesn't feel too rebellious.

I know, I am such a sucker to find something to fight for. Something to fight and burn and bleed for. Goddamnit, I am imploding in all my safety and residential area-predictability!

I am aware of the fact that I am very obstinate when it comes to this. But until I get going with a good writing-project, allowing me to escape into and create happenings which I wish happened in my very own life I am afraid I won't be any funnier. At least not on the blog, which I know you all so faithfully follow, read, and comment. :)

As ever,

man in black - johnny cash

Well, there's things that never will be right I know,
and things need changin' everywhere you go
But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
you'll never see me wear a suit of white.

Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
and tell the world that everything's OK
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'till things are brighter,
I'm the Man In Black

For the first I propose a silent minute.

[one minute of silence - if not, burn, burn, burn]

Now for the whole issue, and the reason of why I will wear black tomorrow

Today British and Dutch Police in cooperation with Interpol ended the life of a dear companion of mine: the filesharing-site

And yes, the whole point is to sound exageratedly pompous.

Because fact is that I will wear black tomorrow, simply to express what I feel about the current battle going on between record labels and us, their consumers. Paying 179:- for a record, and having less than half of it going to the artist is nothing I'm very eager for.

The only time I've done it the past three years is just a month or so ago, being Winnerbäck's latest. Partly due to getting it signed.

And partly due to me being willing to pay 179:- for a Winnerbäck-record if it would only go to him and the ones creating his album, and not the Label-drones

The problem with the Labels and their interest organizations is that they do not listen. Filesharers are evil and vile creatures equal to talibans - as it seems according to their policy - and not worth listening to.

What's there to be done then?

Well, my views towards the industry had actually gotten positive lately, with the introduction at some places of a system where you choose yourself how much to pay, e.g. between 1-100£

(Radiohead's latest album, sold on their site). Do people pay 1£? No, generally they actually pay 6-8£. A sum I consider reasonable if it goes to the artist.

What function does the labels actually have? Promoting the artist, generally. But who says it cannot change? That some other system will enter the market, maybe it will be almost entirely netbased? Maybe everyone will do as Radiohead?
Maybe music will be free and the live-gigs will be the thing making more money and thus being the heart of the market?
I won't stop hoping, and I won't stop downloading. That's the way it is, and that is why I am wearing black tomorrow.

The last word is not said,

bark at the moon - ozzy osbourne

Screams break the silence,
waking from the dead of night
Vengence is boiling,
he's returned to kill the light
Then when he's found who he's looking for,
listen in awe and you'll hear him
Bark at the moon

Even technology's turned against me.

MSN dead.

Internet semi-demented.

Every bloody web-page as slow as a Physics-lesson.

And when I'm actually involved in a discussion without point, it's fucking impossible to come online again, no matter what client or webpage I try.

Fuck this, I'm off to bed.

don't say a word (live) - sonata arctica

Broke the vow, I thought you made, my angel, why...
Could I let you wait out the night

Mother always said "My son, do the noble thing
You have to finish what you started,
no matter what now sit, watch and learn
It's not how long you live, but what your morals say
Can't keep your part of the deal
So don't say a word,
don't say a word"

I need "Don't say a word" on loud volume bursting my eardrums in the utter darkness of my room. There are, strangely enough, few things that bring as much peace as the pounding sound of drums and bass and a powerful voice.

It is, somehow, able to place me in complete calm and makes me feel as if life, the universe and everything is mine to perceive and predict.

It makes me not believe, but know.

It makes me feel like there is actually something in life that will be more than predictable and safe.

It makes me feel as if the day of Judgement is closing in with every tick and tock of the clock, and I can, when Kakko, Jani and the others in choir start singing the refrain almost hear the Riders in the sky outside.

Damn me, I need something to fight and burn and bleed for,

tranquilize - the killers feat. lou reed

Silently reflection turns my world to stone
patiently correction leaves us all alone
And sometimes I'm a travel man
but tonight this engine's failing

My little experiment in the previous post turned out with the people I expected stating that they read my blog -- I even got a comment from "Nisse från Manpower" which I sadly couldn't decode, but of course I welcome him to the gathering -- and well, it is about ten people that I meet every day. As expected.

But my brain is still close to bursting every once in a while, so the blog will be around for quite a while more.

So, life!

All too many nights now I end up not being able to sleep. I turn the computer off, I go to bed, I close my eyes, and then I fail to fall asleep. Too many thoughts bounce in my head and it feels like I've got all too much to do to even realize what it is that I should do.

Because life sure does feel quite damned abstract every once in a while. An endless chain of going to sleep, sleeping to little, waking up and being tired, taking the bus, having a long schoolday, taking the bus again, doing less homework than I should, and then starting from the beginning again. And the only thing breaking the chain are weekends that can be divided up in the same way.

And yes, there is something missing.

Because my life is getting all too close to being a checkered paper, with everything scheduled and planned subconsciously on beforehand and that was not the way it was intended.

There is so much that feels like it needs to be added. For the first a purpose, a goal for which I can strive and aim for constantly and in which I can find inspiration to maximize my work in the areas needed for this goal to come true.

So what do I actually WANT with my life?

I want to learn to speak another language fluently, preferrably Spanish. When that goal is fulfilled I believe I'll go for French, and if I have time I'll try to learn German fluently as well.

I want to get out and away from Ystad, and after that from Sweden. There seems to be a spirit on Ireland, and dangerous for me or not, I want to experience it.

I want to do something I can be happy doing or not doing. I can be living without work nor point if I only have chosen myself to do so for a while.

And most of all I want a way to reach out and something to tell people, something that will make me remembered. Some way so that the ink of my pen, the extension of my arm, brain and soul will be interpreted by people that will listen, understand, and agree.

I want to be remembered, or do something that will be remembered. Fame is nothing I care about; only a worth in the great whole that is our world and life.

Yours as ever, and still not rid of thoughts cramming his head

shoreline - broder daniel

Ever since I was eight or nine,
I've been standing on the shoreline

For all my life I've been waiting
for something lasting

You lose your hunger
and you lose your way
You get confused
and then you fade away

Oh, this town
kills you when you're young
Wo-oh-oh-oh-oh, this town
kills you when you're young

From the Wikipedia-article on Broder Daniel: "A couple of new members joined [...] hype of the now notorious band featuring the charismatic singer and songwriter Henrik who, with his singing out of tune and excessive use of make-up, had in a short time gained a following of maladjusted youth, looking for a leader."

I love the part "maladjusted youth". If only Joel'd been reading this he would have flipped. Pity that he probably isn't, and pity that I haven't seen him since I accidentally bumped into him this summer.

Also, speaking about reading and not reading.

The lust for writing came and went, and the questions of life won't be answered in a blog. But by pure curiousity, I now want to find out how many actually reads this blog.

Thus, please, any person reading here, please leave a comment so that I notice whether any of my words are going out or not. It might be some motivation to continue blogging at all.

Allright? Ten extra seconds of your time, not too much to ask for.

As always,

the pogues - if I should fall from grace with God

If I should fall from grace with God
Where no doctor can relieve me
If I'm buried neath the sod
But the angels wont receive me

Let me go, boys
Let me go, boys
Let me go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry

Yet another D-day now counts as history. The homework done today has, sadly, only been the Biology lab report. No English and no Maths. Instead I've been stuck in CAS, surprisingly enough.

This through writing After Action Reports. I allow me to be a little proud when saying that I've actually found a CAS fitting me as a glove.

So, what's an AAR, I can hear a few of my very few writers wondering? Well, an AAR is when one writes what happens in a game, generally a strategy-game. The fine thing is that in historical strategygame such as Europa Universalis III, that I am playing, one writes it as alternative history. Now, alternative history is a genre I've been thinking about exploring for a very long time, and this is a great way to do it.

Two chapters have been written today in the story titled "Kingdom of Scania - The tale of an outbreak", one prologue and the first chapter. To save space I won't upload it here, I doubt anyone'd read it anyway. Thus I will instead give you the link to it, so that you can see for yourselves if you want to.

And please, if you can, criticism in some way. Consider that it's not really a story, rather a story contemplating how it could have gone, if things had only been slightly different. I might use it as a template for a story or stories in the future though. Criticism, if I surprisingly enough receive it, can either be as a comment in the blog or by mailing me or talking to me on MSN. I assume all of my readers already have my mail, but I'll write it anyway.

Yours as ever,

california - phantom planet

Well, hustlers grab your guns
The shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California, here we come
Right back where we started from

A few of you might recognize the lyrics of this song, and state that it is used as intro-song to the O.C. So before I say anything else, no I don't watch that show. The reason I've got the song here is instead since it's used in the movie Orange County with Jack Black and Colin Hanks.

Now, this movie has been haunting the back of my mind since I saw it last weekend.

(Warning! Spoilers ahead!)
And not in the I'm-looking-for-monsters-in-my-closet-way of haunting, this is a comedy and not a horror movie. But it's the concept. Dude living in a decadent place that he longs away from, realizes he wants to be a writer, applies to Stanford, doesn't get into Stanford due to administrary problems, so he enters an odyssey with his hippie girlfriend and loser brother.
(Spoilers over)

The movie in itself is great. One of those Hollywood-comedies that's actually good, partially because of Jack Black's pure presence. But enough of reviewing, that's not why I'm writing about it.

As stated, it's the whole concept. The dude finds out what he wants to do, and he does all he can to follow his dream. And that's where I enter the picture. Because fact is, I don't have a clear and visualized dream yet. Something with politics, something with History, something about living abroad and a little of being happy.

Swell that far.

But honest, how much is that actually? It's nothing. It's vague and completely impossible to put an aim for, since I have no idea what I'll need to do to reach a place and position I'm happy with. I've only got one thing clear, and that is that my area of work is more important than my salary.

The dude in the movie wants to become a writer, and according to the movie he - of course - has got a big talent for it. I don't know how much or well I can actually write when it comes to books, the only project I've been doing seriously got 42 pages long and then died due to complete lack of historical accuracy.

Dreams, dreams... What do I want to do with my life?

Now, thinking like this all the time is of course a very impractical thing, since it takes my mind of schoolwork. Studying amino acids, radians and greek dramas doesn't feel that tempting when I'm sitting and being slightly anxious as well as slightly overwhelmed by the different possibilities when it comes to my future. I want to do something that I can enjoy, something that I want to work with. Something that can bring me out in the world and eventually have me die at old age with a smile on my lips, knowing that I got the most out of it.

There's only one thing coming to my mind when I contemplate the matter. History.

I do it on my spare time, I read about it, I do it in school, I play games in the matter, and I think about it if I ever think of any school subject. It's the only thing I actually really can, judging from my own experience. Burying myself in History-books is something I could definitely do without any regrets.

But then again... history? What do you become then? Teacher? Historian? What does a historian do anyway?

No, I didn't manage to be too structured this time. But one thing is clear for me, I need to get a plan as well as a real dream, and the sooner I get it, the sooner I'll be happy with school, life and spare time. Which I need, desperately. This is one of those weeks when motivation is rationed.

I'd like to end with a poem that, if I know whose reading this blog, you're all familiar with.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference

I really need to find which way to take.

Yours as ever,

winning - santana

I'm winning
I'm winning
I'm winning
And I don't intend on losing again

Santana isn't only the name of the band accompanying Mexican guitar hero Carlos Santana, it's also the name of a slightly slimy git that led the student's council today. Or as it now is called, "elevkår". I've yet to find an English translation.

Makings of the student's council today:
- Impeeched the now previous chairman of the temporary board
- Discussed different themes for future parties
- Santana campaigned a little "discreetly"
- Spent ten minutes for the issue of changing the "elevråd" in the paragraphs to "elevkår

Yes, of course I focuse a little on things that didn't live up to my expectations, but that's the way that all sort of power is to be looked upon. The pros have to outwheigh the cons.

The Best of Santana for the day is when I, during the meeting, asked whether we maybe shouldn't have very extensive discussions about what themes we might have on future parties, but maybe proceed to following points of more relevance. This since we only had 20 minutes of scheduled time left. I don't know if his answer was a joke or not, but it still renders him incompetent in my eyes:
"Nej, det här är en av de viktigaste grejerna vi gör, det är för elevernas trivnad."

Then he spent a few minutes with jokes regarding liquor. God (or anyone else for that part) have mercy on us if we ever actually choose Santana for chairman of the to-be-board. Let him have his fun bossing around with the temporary instead.

Yours as ever,

johnny 99 - bruce springsteen

Well they closed down the auto plant in Mahwah late that month
Ralph went out lookin' for a job but he couldn't find none
He came home too drunk from mixin' Tanqueray and wine
He got a gun shot a night clerk now they call'm Johnny 99

The world ain't getting better. Mankind ain't getting nicer. School ain't getting easier. But the Boss is as good as ever.

Too many thoughts spinning around in my mind, and too many carefully formed sentences left unspoken, alternatively just mentioned in haste and afterwards gone in the winds of time.

Hopefully to someone's joy, I'm back.

Yours as ever,


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